Dear Foster Mama

A note about your worth

Dear Foster Mama,

Do you know what day of the week it is?

Can you count how many appointments are on your calendar?

Did you sleep last night?

Did your kids sleep last night?

People say they admire you, but I know you feel awful when you sometimes don’t want to get out of bed in the morning.

It’s okay.

Your worth is not connected to your calling as a foster mama. Your worth is far greater than anything you do. The work you do every day; change diapers, apply sticky diaper cream, potty train toddler pee-pees and poos, practice letters and numbers, talk to the school counselor on the phone after a behavioral issue, grocery shop with a baby or two or four kiddos, manage the expectations and paperwork of caseworkers and doctor’s offices, homework before and after dinner, mealtime behaviors and attitudes, the constant clean-up, the walk outside to put the trash in the garbage bin that feels like a mini-vacation from the house, and the collapse into bed after the last tears have been cried.

You are absolutely incredible.

Not because you enjoyed every second or because you never made a mistake, but because you did it. You did today. And you did the day before, and you will do tomorrow.

Why? Why do you keep going? Why do you take another placement?

Because you have been called to this life and you also know that it helps you practice depending on God for strength in every hour of each eternally elongated day. You know that is worthwhile, you know that it is an adventurous, full and bursting life.

I see you foster mama, but not because you are overly visible. Sometimes you are so hidden you feel like no one is catching your tears. Everyone might claim to need a village but you lay in bed wondering where your village is and why didn’t they come to your front door today when you desperately needed an extra set of hands?

Let me remind you sweet mama that you are normal, and even if things feel overwhelming, you are going to be okay. Your heart is pure gold. I know this because you cringed when you read that. You don’t believe your heart is pure gold. You know which kid saw a flash of your anger today. You remember pouncing on your husband today when you were frustrated with something else and he just happened to step in your way at an unfortunate time. And that caseworker who delivered bad news to you on the phone halfway through dinner? Heaven help us all.

Let’s acknowledge that the Lord is with these children as they heal from unimaginable trauma. He holds the bucket of tears that is their pain, and he hurts deeply with them. They were made in His image and He is the sovereign God of all things past, present and future. Even though it is hard to fathom how evil can go on without stopping, we do trust that in the end, all evil will be smothered. The abusers will be brought to justice in one way or another.

You are part of each child’s beautiful, hope-filled future. What you do every day matters to their brains, their bodies, their vulnerable spirits. Your choices and deliberate care for them physically and emotionally heals them from the inside out.

If you wonder if you “should” “even” be considered a “foster parent,” let me save you the trouble.

Who do the kids in your house rely on for a hot meal, comfy bed, and clean bath or shower today?

We know you rely on God for your every need, but those precious souls under your roof where you pay the mortgage rely on you and your family for their basic needs. Their bodies are aching and begging to feel safe. Once they feel safe, they can get stronger, and once they get stronger, then they will feel the freedom to dream.

Michael Ketterer; Biological and foster to adoptive Dad, worship leader, and pediatric nurse said when talking about his five adopted sons, “When you’re surviving you can’t dream.”

Thank you mama, for being willing. I know you are tired, and question almost everything, but your perseverance and strong spirit endure through each passing day.

Press on. Your family gains hope as you serve them today.